When all the directions are available...

Today I woke up feeling more grounded than I have since moving to Spain. Even though, the logistics of my life are still sifting and sorting and I have no clear idea of what is in store. Thanks to Neptune and Saturn hanging out over my Sun in the 11th house, the feeling of being in a state of constriction and restructuring without a sense of direction makes this time in my life a whole vibe. And with Neptune at 29 degrees it’s producing a massively dense fog over the big picture of my hopes, dreams, aspirations. Throw in the unknown of a new community and I’m facing on the daily how I want to show up in integrity and authenticity while grieving the parts of me that have died and nurturing those which are being born.

Moving away from a place I’ve lived for 17 years and leaping into the unknown is providing plenty of opportunity for me to move through some deep shadow. Who knew we all have so much storage space in there. Step aside iCloud, you’ve got nothing on iShadow. And the thing is, I knew what I was getting myself into. And also, I had no idea what I was getting myself into. How could I really understand what I was doing if my only point of reference was only what I’ve previously experienced?

And yet, the knowing and recognizing of the familiar magnetic pull of my soul towards my destiny was so visceral I couldn’t say no. Truthfully, what is being asked of me from my spirit is so expansive that the personality part of me has had big moments of struggle through this process. I hold a lot of optimism and love of adventure within me so through the challenge there is that pulse which keeps me from completely freaking out. But I’ve lost my shit a few times and the recoveries are lessons in ruthlessly deconstructing the limiting beliefs that put me in that state of mind.

This move is big because I’m choosing to see what will happen if I listen to Spirit in this raw way and accept the invitation to engage with my destiny. In order to do this, I’ve had to step out of what I have built and expose myself to the elements of life in ways I couldn’t have in the US. I’m being asked to soften and flow in ways I haven’t had to before. And I’m totally in. Even if the mystery of the flow is exciting and the discombobulation of the free-fall tisn’t.

And already, some very interesting invitations have arrived at my feet. The leaping continues with the trust that I am held by the roots of my ancestors and the support of the Divine. Honoring my destiny and purifying the river of humanity within myself is plenty to dance with for now. The fog will lift, the constriction will give way to expansion and I will be here for all of it.